Four Beliefs That May Be Robbing Your Daughter of Her Confidence

For many girls, the middle and high school years are difficult. There are so many changes to understand and adapt to—body development, hormonal responses, and increased pressure to fit in and perform. It’s no wonder why confidence can rapidly decline during this phase of development.

Many of the beautiful qualities you admired in your little girl seem to have evaporated, leaving behind someone you may hardly recognize. But what if I told you that all her struggles are caused by only a few faulty beliefs?

These Disempowering Faulty Beliefs, or DFBs, were created by events that were painful to her as a child, often before seven years old. Because of an undeveloped prefrontal cortex (the part of the brain responsible for decision-making and regulating emotions) and lack of life experience, your daughter couldn’t fully process these situations.

These painful events (while maybe even very minor from an adult perspective) were magnified and personalized to mean something negative about her and became her DFBs. Once a DFB is created, it becomes a “lens” that all her life experiences are filtered through.

Let’s dive into the four DFBs and see which one or more is robbing your daughter of her confidence.


I’m Not Good Enough

This DFB has your daughter convinced that something is wrong with her and that she’s inferior to others. She may procrastinate or become a perfectionist to avoid being “discovered” as not good enough. She might also become extremely hard on herself trying to prove to the world that she is good enough.

It might show up as:

  • I'm not (good / pretty / smart, etc.) enough.
  • I can’t do anything right.
  • Everyone is better than me.
  • I have nothing important to share.

I’m Not Worthy

This DFB often accompanies “I’m Not Good Enough.” She is likely to believe she’s not worthy of good things, or good things happening to her. It also creates self-doubt and anxiety as your daughter lives in fear that others will discover her unworthiness.

It might show up as:

  • I don't deserve.
  • I’m not worthy.
  • I’m useless/worthless.
  • Good things never happen to me.

I’m Not Loved

This DFB causes your daughter to feel isolated, unlovable, and unwanted. Your daughter might become a people-pleaser, hoping to earn the love she craves, or she may withdraw inward to protect herself from potential pain. This faulty belief causes your daughter to live in fear of being dismissed, rejected, or abandoned.

It might show up as:

  • I am damaged/broken/unwanted/unlovable.
  • No one cares what happens to me.
  • Everyone is out to get me.
  • I’m just a burden.

I’m Not Safe

This DFB can cause your daughter to worry about her physical or emotional safety—someone could hurt my body or harm my emotional well-being. She might become fearful, untrusting, and unwilling to step out of her comfort zone. Your daughter may withdraw to “hide” from potential danger or she may respond with anger or aggression to feel more powerful.

It might show up as:

  • People want to hurt me.
  • People take advantage of me.
  • It’s me against the world.
  • I can’t trust anyone.

While these 4 DFB are false, it can feel very real to your daughter. As a mother, you can help your daughter rewire those beliefs into powerful beliefs of:

  • I am enough.
  • I am worthy.
  • I am loved.
  • I am safe.

Helping your daughter change her belief is possible but it won't happen overnight. So in this article, I like to start with you.

Self-Care for Moms, Self-Esteem for Daughter

To help your daughter, you must start by taking care of yourself and your emotional health. Practicing these 5 “Rs” will help you stay centered, present, and compassionate so you'll have the mental-emotional stamina to support your daughter.


Take time to relax and do what you love will help you maintain patience and objectivity when interacting with your daughter.


Your daughter’s current experiences and behaviors are directly influenced by her DFBs. Her actions are a not an attack against you or a reflection of your parenting.


Your daughter’s words and actions that are triggering you are about her. Your reaction to them is about you. She is not the only one dealing with DFBs; we all have them.


Even the best meaning parents place negative labels on their children and on themselves based on previous actions. Now is a good time to remove them so you can start fresh. 


After each interaction with your daughter, note what you felt went well, didn’t go as planned, and what you would like to do differently next time. Having a game plan allows you to stay focused, objective, and compassionate.

Following the 5Rs outlined above can help you maintain objectivity and refocuses your energy on actions that help your daughter grow and flourish.

In future articles, I will share more tips on how you can help your teen daughter build self-esteem and self-confidence.

If you are ready to take action now, check out my book, I would, but MY DAMN MIND won't let me! This book goes further into explaining how the mind works so your daughter can understand her thoughts and herself more. The companion journal to this book has step-by-step actions your daughter can take to transform the critical inner voice that stems from those faulty disempowering beliefs. And if you're looking for a unique gift that helps your daughter focus on the 4 empowering beliefs, check out these beautiful morse code affirmation bracelets.


1 comment

  • Mia Miller

    Thank you for discussing DFB’s. It’s amazing to realize how early in life they’re formed and how much they affect us moving forward.

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